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第8章在行路中遇见自己(7)
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about1904,myfatherrentedaalakeiookusallthereforthemonthofAugust.WeallgwormfromsomekittensandhadtorubPoonourarmsaandm,andmyfatherrolledoverihallhis;butoutsideofthatthevawasasudfromthenonnohoughttherelatheworldlikethatlakeiurersummer—alwaysonAugust1stforoh.Ihavesi-waterman,butsometimesiherearedayswhelesshetidesandthefearfulcoldoftheseawaterandtheiacrosstheafternoonandintotheeveningmakemewishfortheplacidityofalakeinthewoods.AfewweeksagothisfeelinggIboughtmyselfacoupleofbasshooksandaspiurhelakewhereweusedtogo,foraweek’sfishingaoldhaunts.
Itookalongmyson,whohadneverhadaeruphisnoseandwhohadseenlilypadsonlyfromtrainwindows.OnthejourhelakeIbegawouldbelike.Iwoimewouldhavemarredthisuhisholyspot—thedstreams,thehillsthatthesuhedthepathsbehindthecamps.IwassurethetarredroadwouldhavefounditoutandIwootherwaysitwouldbedesolated.Itisstrangehowmuemberaboutplaceslikethatonceyouallowyourmiothegrooveswhichleadbaberohing,andthatsuddenlyremindsyou.IguessIrememberedclearestofalltheearlyms,whenthelakewasotionless,rememberedhowthebedroomsmelledofthelumberitwasmadeofawoodswhosesteredthroughthes.Thepartitionsinthecampwerethinanddidehetopoftherooms,andasIwasalwaysthefirstupIwoulddresssoftlysoasnottowaketheothers,aothesweetoutdoorsandstartouttheoe,keepiheshoreinthelongshadowsofthepines.Irememberbeingveryevertorubmypaddleagainstthegunwaleforfearthestillhecathedral.
Thelakehadyouwouldcallawildlake.Thererinkledaroundtheshores,anditwasinfarmingtryalthoughtheshoreofthelakewerequiteheavilywooded.Someofthecottageswereownedbynearbyfarmers,andyouwouldliveattheshoreayourmealsatthefarmhouse.That’swhatourfamilydid.Butalthoughitasafairlylargeandundisturbedlakeandtherewereplaitwhich,toachildatleast,seemedieandprimeval.
Iwasrightaboutthetar:itledtowithinhalfamileoftheshore.ButwhenIgotbackthere,withmyboy,aoaearafarmhouseandintothekindofsummertimeIhadknown,Icouldtellthatitwasgoiymuchthesameasithadbeenbefore—Ik,lyihefirstm,smellingthebedroom,aheboysandgooffalongtheshoreinaboat.IbegantosustaintheillusionthathewasI,andtherefore,bysimpletransposition,thatIwasmyfather.Thisseed,keptgupallthetimewewerethere.Itwasirelyigrewmuger.Iseemedtobelivingadualexistence.Iwouldbeinthemiddleofsomesimpleact,Iwouldbepigupabaitbdownatablefork,orIwouldbesayihing,awouldbenotIbutmyfatherwhowassayingthewthegesture.Itgavemeasation.
&fishim,Ifeltthesamedampmthewormsidsawthedragonflyalightoipofmyrodasithoveredafewihesurfaceofthewater,itwasthearrivalofthisflythatebeyondanydoubtthateverythingwasasitalwayshadbeen,thattheyearswereamirageandtherehadbeehesmallwaveswerethesame,gtherowboatuheaswefishedatandtheboatwasthesameboat,thesamecreenandtheribsbrokeninthesamepladerthefloor,boardsthesamefresh-waterleavihedeadhellgrammite,thewispsofmoss,therustydiscardedfishhook,thedriedbloodfromyesterday’scatch.Westaredsilentlyatthetipsofourrods,atthedragodweipofmihewater,tentatively,pensivelydislodgingthefly,whichdartedtoised,dartedtwofeetbadcametaiheruptherod.Therehadbeeweenthedugonflyaheroastofmemory.Ilookedattheboy,whowassilentlywatghisfly,anditwasmyhandsthatheldhisrod,myeyeswatg.Ifeltdizzyanddidn’tknowwhichrodIwasattheendof.
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