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ThomasdlerHaliburton
[1]IhadheardofYankeeclockpedlars,tinpedlars,andbiblepedlars,espewhosoldPolyglotBibles(alliotheamountofsixteenthousandpounds.Thehouseofeverysubstantialfarmerhadthreesubstantialors,awoodenclorefledaPolyglotBible.HowisitthatanAmerisellhiswares,atricehepleases,whereablue-nosewouldfailtomakeasaleatall?Iwilleheakerthesecretofhissuccess.
[2]“ityitis,Mr.Slick”
—forsuchwashisapityitis”
,saidI,“thatyou,whoaresosucteagthesepeoplethevalueofclocks,otalsoteachthemthevalueoftime.”
[3]“Iguess,”
saidhe,“theyhavegrowontheirhor,whicheveryfour-year-oldhasinourtry.Wereiobedollarsaheydonothis,buteat,drink,smoke,sleep,rideabout,louaverns,makespeechesattemperaings,andtalkabout‘HouseofAssembly’.Ifamahoehisdhedoesacrop,hesaysitisallowingtothebank;aodebtandissued,whyhesaysthelawyersareacursetothetry.Theyareamostidlesetoffolks,Itellyou.”
[4]“Buthowisit,”
saidI,“thatyoumaosellsuimmensenumberofclocks,whilyotbeecessaryartigapeoplewithwhomthereseemstobesogreatasoney?”
[5]Mr.Slickpaused,asifgtheproprietythequestion,andlookiheface,saidinatialtone,“Why,Idon’tcareifIdotellyou,flutted,andIshallquitthiscircuit.ItisdonebyaksawderandhumahereisDeat’s,”
saidhe,“Ihavebutoneclockleft,andIguessIwillsellittohi”
[6]Atthegateofamostfortable-lookingfarm-housestoodDeat,arespean,whohaduhevalueoftimebetterthanmostofhisneighbours,ifojudgefromtheappearahingabouthiAftertheusualsalutation,aninvitationto“alight”
tedbyMr.Slick,whosaidhewishedtotakeleaveofMrs.FliColchester.
[7]Wehadhardlyehehouse,beforetheakerpoiheviewfromthewindow,andaddressiome,said,“IfIwastotellthemiherewassuchafarmasthisawaydowhereinNovaScotia,theywouldn’tbelieveme.Whythereain’tsuchaloallheDeahasahundredacresofdyke—”
[8]“Seventy,”
saidtheDealyseventy.”
[9]“Well,seventy;butthenthereisyourfiom,whyIaramrodintoit—”
[10]“Interval,wecallit,”
saidtheDea,whothoughevidehiseulogium,seemedtowishtheexperimeobetriediplace.
[11]“Well,intervalifyouplease—thoughProfessorEleazerCumstihisworkonOhio,callsthembottoms—isjustasgoodasdyke.Therivilege,worththreeorfourthousanddollars,twiceasgoodaswhatGovernorCasspaidfifteendollarsfor.Iwonder,Dea,youdon’tputupagmillonit:thesameworkswouldcarryaturninglathe,ashinglemae,acircularsaw,grindbark,and—”
[12]“Tooold,”
saidtheDea,“toooldforallthosespes—”
[13]“Old,”
repeatedtheaker,“notyou;whyyouareworthhalfadozenoftheyoungmenweseenowadays.Yenoughtohave—”
Herehesaidsomethingioneofvoice,whiotdistiwhateveritwas,theDealeased.Hesmiledathinkofsugsnow.
[14]“Butyourbeasts,dearme,yourbeastsmustbeputinandhaveafeed”
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